Just a bit broken...

It's been 3 years since you've left, and every time I think about you it hurts just like the first time. I miss you so much, it's crazy. They tell me that it'll fade as the years go by and sometimes it does. Sometimes its better and I know that you're in a better place but other times I'm selfish and wonder why you ever left me. I can't help but wonder what if, what if you were still here; would we be in complete different phases in our lives? Would we still be together?

I know it wasn't your fault nor was it mine, you didn't choose to leave it me; I didn't choose to leave you, it was just the circumstance. Can you call death a circumstance? I would give so much to have just another minute with you. To tell you how much you mean to me and how much you've changed my life, how much I still love you.

In my dreams you are real, your smile, your arms, the twinkle in your eyes when you laugh, it's all so real but when I open my eyes it's gone. YOU are gone.

Sometimes I go days without thinking about you and when I finally do I feel like I've let you down, that I've somehow forgotten you.

Sometimes I think I hear your laugh and I look around expecting to find you, at the mall if I see the back of someone that resembles you I rush up to see if it's you even though I know it's impossible and that it won't be you.

Another year passes and as I reach another milestone I never thought I would, I look back and remember all the times you were with me, all the times you held my hand and told me that I could, that I would.

How I wish you were here to celebrate with me… today my heart hurts just a bit more, for you, for us, for all the time we will never have.

I will always love you, no matter whoever else comes and goes in my life, you will always be in my heart.

I miss you so much. ♥ XOXO