Out of Color

The weekend is over. And as usual we had an amazing time.
We had laughs. Cries. Fights. Comfort. Growth. And so much more.
Every time we see each other we make more memories than we can possibly hold.
But as I leave this Sunday, we leave with an elephant still in the room.
I’m a strong believer that one should never going to bed angry... go away angry.
I’m sure that you are not angry anymore, you are probably just wary.
The conversation that happened yesterday still sits fresh in our heart and our minds. I still have no answer for you and you are still waiting for something else.
I promise you I’ll call when I get home and I will.
It’s not what we are saying it’s what we are not saying.
In the 10 minutes it took to have that conversation, we've changed our friendship forever.
Will it be stronger now? or have we managed to ruin the one thing that we never felt could break?
I feel the pain just as you do. It’s probably a different kind of pain but there is no doubt that this weekend has left a memory that neither of us felt would ever happen. And in both our heads and hearts the results are different, they SHOULD have been different.
As I drive away, I think I do love you... but, I’m not ready, not able to love you with all the love you deserve. I cannot ask you to wait for me. I do not know how long it will take. It would be unfair and selfish of me to ask you to wait. You deserve so much more from me, and maybe, just maybe, I do too.