In real life, 1 + 1 does not always add up to 2...

You ever come across a situation where you know what you have to do, because no matter how you turn it, the result is just the same one, the one that is not beneficial to you, the one that is toxic and slowly destroying everything you've work on for the past few years, the one that makes you feel like a douche bag, or an evil person. When you finally decided to end it all?

I hate myself for hating you.

I wrote this a while back and it's just been sitting in my backpack, I figure that typing this out will help me continue to work out my anger.

In my mind, I have fabricated you into this monster.
In reality you aren't, you are not a monster, not by many standards.
You're just someone who does not deserve to be my hero.
They say that actions speak louder than words.
For you, both are equally useless.
Your actions don't match your words
and your words no longer hold even a glimpse of promise,
that I once believed in as a child.
Your actions no longer scare me, at least not the me I want to be.
The sounds of your angry actions make me jumpy but knowing that you're behind them makes them hallow.
I see them as a useless waste of energy, both for you and for me.
I find your actions as empty as your words.
You - are no longer my knight in shining armor.
It's been so long that I can't remember a time when you were.
If I searched long and deep enough, a part of me believes that I will find a time when you meant the world, but that too seems like a waste.
Despite all this, despite the hatred I feel towards you, I don't want to shut the door and seal our relationship into the darkness...

Quote

"We have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways but narrower viewpoints; we spend more but have less; we buy more but enjoy it less; we have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, yet less time; we have more degrees but less sense; more experts, yet more problems; we have more gadgets but less satisfaction; more medicine, yet less wellness; We drink too much; smoke too much; spend too recklessly; laugh too little; drive too fast; get too angry quickly; stay up too late; get up too tired; read too seldom; watch TV too much and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values; we fly in faster planes to arrive there quicker, to do less and return sooner; we talk too much; love too seldom and lie too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we write more, but learn less; plan more, but accomplish less; we learned to rush, but not to wait; we have more weapons, but less peace; higher incomes, but lower morals; more acquaintances, but fewer friends.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, but short character; steep in profits, but shallow relationships. These are days of two incomes, but more divorces; these are times of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, cartridge living, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies and pills that do everything from cheer, to prevent, quiet or kill. Indeed, these are the times!"